13 years ago
Monday, June 21, 2010
Finding Myself
I have been in a major rut lately. I am not sure why, the weather has been better and we are on summer break. Maybe it is all the craziness around me and the everyday errands, hmmm maybe. Anyway, James came and visited a week ago and we had a very good talk. My baby bro is not interested in settling down and falling into the rut the rest of us our in. We talked about his possible back-packing around Europe trip and his desire to want to see the Amazon to meet a real tribe. We talked about all the things he wants to do before he is tied down. This got me really thinking, and now I know why I am in a rut. I also have a list of things I really want to do. I want to snorkel in the Caribbean, ski the Swiss Alps, float down the Rhine, go to the Louvre, be in a place to meet smart influential dreamers, pretty much travel, learn, and see everything. I will give him kudos, he is trying to do it before he has to be responsible for a family, and there is my rut. I have fallen into the rut of doing the "mormon mom thing" I stay at home and take care of kids, everyday is pretty much the same. I love my kids don't get me wrong they are my life! But after talking to James I realized that my rut came from thinking I had to choose one or the other and here I am. This is so inaccurate and that is what I realized in our good conversation. I can still do those things and until then I can still hit museums and learn about everything else this world has to offer. Better yet, I can teach my children about them. I do not want my children to fall into this rut, don't get me wrong some people love it, but I want more. I want my children to know there is more to life out there besides our little town. Like James I energize being around different cultures and people. I actually feel uplifted when we go to big cities and museums and such. I love life and all it has to offer. I love white water rafting, skiing down a mountain, hiking to hidden waterfalls, going to zoos and aquariums. I love the Denver museum and I wish I could take my kids there everyday. This love for life is what I feel I lost in my "rut". I feel better now. Now that I know I don't need to give everything up just to fit in with a certain way of life. I can have and do both. Why did it take me so long to get here? Maybe the general mentality of things. There are so many people around us who do just what is planned. I don't know if they see anything different. I am extremely excited to go to London. I can't wait to see the countryside and meet the people, we have more things planned than what we can do. The guest list for the wedding amazes me more and more, and I will get to meet some of those great dreamers of the world. I am very energized now. I am out of my rut, and I think my kids are enjoying me more. I know I am!
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4 comments:
My advice is - hang in there. Your kids are little... I know for a long time when the triplets were little we didn't do a lot of stuff in my family, but once they were older and easier to take care of (and more self-sufficient) we were back to doing awesome stuff. My mom often took us on little weekend trips, just her and the kids, to different places - we'd go to the beach and the aquarium, or go to South Carolina and visit the alligator swamp (I know you would love that! ha!), etc. etc. etc. I can totally see you being that kind of mom too!
I feel for you... and a lot the same lol! I have no doubts that you can be both an awesome mom and do all the things you dream about, you have always been always one of the most determined and capable people I know.
London will be so much fun and I can't wait to see pictures and hear all the stories that you come back with!
We have a few friends who just got back from a South Africa trip. After reading their blog posts and looking at all the photos on Facebook, it was pretty evident that they had lots of fun. Julie and I talked about how we would like to travel some day, go on a few cruises, visit Europe, etc. But the interesting thing, is that we're in a different stage in our lives. I would rather spend just five minutes with Anna than go on a week-long trip to Africa. I look forward to the travelling and exploring, but I love the stage we're in now.
Would you like to join us on our Mediterranean cruise in, say, 52 years?
Yes, things are sometimes hard now and it seems as if you are stuck home; but enjoy the kids while they are little. Because before you know it they are grown and gone. I also felt that rut with 6 kids and I still feel it sometimes because I have things that need to be done before I can do the things I want to do. But the most important things I make time for and that is my family. I love you! You are a terrific mother and teacher to 3 of my granddaughters - who are amazing!
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