What did I sign up for!!!

Okay, so I know we have all had one of those days. Those days when you know you should not get out of bed. I have had many lately, but today was by far the worst. I was never one of those girls that aspired to be a "stay at home mom". That phrase never, and I mean never, came out of my mouth growing up. I was the girl that was going to school to get her masters, maybe PhD. I was going to make something of myself and never get married or have kids. So, what am I doing here??? I have been asking myself that most of the day. Between the non stop crying (Kami is teething) and the hair pulling and toy throwing, not to mention the barn. I am really missing the ICU right now. I miss the beeping monitors and the constant chaos and even those cranky doctors, but mostly the break. The break from my real life and the stresses with it. I enjoy these brief quiet moments at night when everyone is in bed, but I know it is all going to start again tomorrow. Maybe it is the months of sleepless nights, or maybe it is just a very bad day, all I know is that it has got to get better tomorrow. Thank goodness for my crazy husband that puts things into perspective and tells me to "wake up and stop being so selfish, that we have a pretty good thing going here". He helps keep me grounded to reality as I am wondering "why didn't I go to BYU Hawaii and sit on the beach". So, even though the day was a bummer, as the night wears down and my girls give me goodnight hugs and kisses things are looking up. I never thought I would be where I am today, but I am. And believe it or not, most days I do enjoy it.